A Case of Bad PR
Posted on March 8, 2013
The most damnable part of the PUA community is the way it’s marketed. Interestingly enough, the public image of feminists is also their biggest failing and you’d think they’d both have a little empathy for each other on that front but apparently not.
I know that there are PUAs that preach tactics that border on sexual assault. I know there are PUAs that almost exclusively refer to women as bitches and whores. I even once read a man’s manifesto about how you should only have anal sex with women because they’re worthless and that way they can’t trap you with a baby.
There are ugly parts to PUA. However, I have the good sense to realize that those men do not represent the catalogue of PUA theory nor is that the core of pick-up artistry. You have to slog through the percentage of vocal idiots that are going to come along with any cultural movement. There are chauvinists in the pick-up community. There are also chauvinists in the feminist community and in the vegan community and in the Buddhist community and in the dodge ball community, you get the picture. That’s not pick-up’s fault.
What is their fault is that they market themselves as renegade wizards who have broken the matrix wide-open and if you just pay them $1000 they will change your world. PUA has a lot in common with scam artists because they promise impossible things and bait and switch you with their curriculum.
Most pick-up ads focus on the idea that you can seduce any woman in the world. You can have sex with literally hundreds of beautiful women. You can crack this secret code. You can see this truth that everyone has been hiding from you.
Much in the same way conspiracy theorists are drawn to the idea of knowing this big cover up and seeing through some charade that the general public buys into, pick-up artistry promises men this underground information that women don’t want you to know.
Women would be horrified to know that you all were going to the gym, developing new skills and only asking their opinion on things to get to know them. It’s so fucking ridiculous that it borders on insulting but it reveals a truly pitiful reality of young men.
This marketing works. There are new pick-up artists everyday running their flavor of the same damn thing and they’re making money hand over fist. This realization was the first thing that really shook the foundation of my feminist ideology.
There are a lot of feminists that write about toxic masculinity and how we need to redefine manhood and none of those feminists are listening to men. All of them focus on masculinity degrading femininity and how manhood is the absence of womanhood. Not a single one has noticed that men don’t know how to define themselves without female approval. That there is something so fucked up about male identity that they need to be told they’re going to Hogwarts and they get to fuck Cindy Crawford to sit down and analyze why they need female sexual approval in the first place.
In the same way that when men let go of their need for female approval they tend to get more of it, the feminist cause is going to gain more traction when women let go of their need to steer the direction of masculinity. Clearly, men have been sold a bag of goods that’s making them miserable and it’s labeled “desirable.”
Women have been told their entire lives that they are only worth their sexual desirability and they have no concept of what being told they have no sexual worth is unless they are obese or disabled. And those women talk about how painful that experience is but they don’t get shamed for wanting it the way men do.
Men are sexually shamed. They are told their desire for sex is predatory and that it makes them stupid. Women are also sexually shamed but in a different way. Somewhere along the lines people decided this was a zero sum game and if women are still called “sluts” for wanting to have sex we cannot discuss that a man’s sexual expression is never considered precious or important.
This discussion of male sexual shame and how vulnerable they feel to female rejection doesn’t have anything to do with helping women. That’s the point. It seems so callous when feminists criticize PUA without knowing anything about it. They are too quick to call it “rape culture,” when they have spent less than an hour reading the literature. It’s no different than people who call feminists “man-hating lesbians.” It’s ignorance and fear.
Feminists are afraid of rape and male sexuality being asserted so often translates to rape in their narrative. Similarly, men’s rights activists bring up men raping other men in prison as a way to negate talking about men raping women outside of prison. Women are negating men’s sexual shame because they don’t want women’s sexual shame to be ignored.
Everyone is hurt.
You both want the same thing but you’re both blinded by the shitty media representations of the other. Feminists aren’t working against PUA. PUA is not setting the feminist agenda back.
Feminists have been so cruelly characterized and constantly shit upon that they are permanently on the defense. I don’t blame feminists for being reactionary to PUA but I think it’s misguided. Woman had to culturally put up both middle fingers and scream, “I don’t give a fuck what you think of me. I am not your honey,” at men before they could build their own separate identities away from “mom” and “wife.”
There will be no equality until men can scream back, “I don’t give a fuck if you like me.”
One day I hope that the marketing on PUA classes will say something along the lines of: LEARN A NEW LANGUAGE AND BUY A MOTORCYCLE. FUCK WHAT WOMEN THINK.
The most powerful message in feminist theory has always been: You owe men nothing. Do what makes you happy, not what fits into the “male ideal.”
If you don’t like feminism I recommend you read more of it. Read The Beauty Myth because it talks about how inadequate women are made to feel by the beauty industry and how much it holds them back from living fulfilling lives.
Read The Feminine Mistake because it clears up why women don’t want to raise your children anymore and how shitty low paying jobs are for women regardless of the perks.
Read The Vindications of the Rights of Women because that book was designed to be an introduction to feminism that doesn’t insult a male reader.
Those books talk about the pain and vulnerability of women and why they are fighting so hard to change things.
If you don’t like Pick-Up Artistry I recommend you expose yourself to more of it. Read The Game by Neil Strauss because that is a novel about a man getting into the PUA community and you get to learn about it through his eyes. It’s a great introduction.
Better yet read Rules of the Game complete with self-esteem workbook. It’s PUA material that really shows you that PUA is about overcoming internalized inadequacy and social anxiety,
Watch RSD videos on youtube. Might I recommend Tyler Durden/Owen Cook’s thousands of videos on how to use zen Buddhism to increase one’s “inner game” or self-esteem. He made hundreds of videos that basically say: Don’t be afraid of girls. Seriously, overcoming a fear of women is the heart of approach.
That material talks about the pain and vulnerability of men and why they are fighting so hard to change things.