What Feminism gets Wrong About Pick-Up Artistry
Posted on March 4, 2013
Pick-up Artistry is a men’s rights and a reclaiming of male dignity movement. They don’t market themselves that way and the Men’s Rights Advocates don’t claim the PUA community. But PUA is working towards male sexual equality and empowerment.
PUA is a philosophy dedicated to the idea that a man’s identity is not tied to female approval. It is a large group of men fighting against the idea that they are controlled by sex and that they are worthless. How PUA breaks the cycle of thinking female rejection is tantamount to death is by telling men that they can have any woman they want.
When we condition men to be dancing monkeys for female approval they feel like they’re slaves to the whims of women. It devalues them. It breeds resentment. It makes their focus in life chasing women and then they miss out on tons of interesting and fulfilling experiences.
The carrot it dangles in front of their face is sex with people they find attractive. Sex with people you find attractive is an excellent motivator regardless of your gender. But what feminism doesn’t understand about PUA is what those seminars teach you to do to catch that carrot.
PUA encourages men to become physically fit, read more books, develop hobbies, value their male friendships, travel, get a job they enjoy, and develop self-confidence that is anchored to themselves as worthwhile people. It uses the drive to have sex with women to teach them how to live without them. It seems counter-intuitive but being a happy, self-confident, self-driven person is attractive. So they focus on developing that.
It’s the male equivalent of, “I’m a strong independent woman and I don’t need no man,” except it comes out as, “I’m a strong confident man and I don’t need to prove my masculinity through female approval because I already have female approval and I am moving on to tackling higher mountains in life than what’s between some girl’s legs.”
That is a powerful idea.
Not only is it a powerful idea for men who want more out of life than simpering at some woman’s feet but it’s also a powerful ally to the feminists. The only way men are going to treat women as equals is if they stop putting them on an elusive pedestal.
Once men figure out that women are not scared baby deer that they’ll never understand, you’re going to get a lot of traction in the ring of treat women like they’re people.
And in the same way that men don’t actively go out on the town oppressing those women, women don’t actively try to control men with their sexuality. Men are controlled by female sexuality because they think it’s this rare commodity that they need in order to be worthwhile human beings and that it’s an honor for them to be gifted a sexual experience from the fairer sex. That’s a lie. There are whole seminars dedicated to teaching you how to destroy that lie and all of its baggage.
This is the kicker. These seminars are a bunch of men that got together and said, “hey, you know how I think we’ll get women to like us? Let’s become better looking, smarter, have fulfilling hobbies, and develop conversational skills and charm. I bet women like good looking, smart, charming guys. We can be those good looking, smart, charming guys!”
Then along comes a gaggle of feminists who have bought into the marketing gimmick that gets these guys in the door to decry PUA as this magical trickery that will lead to women doing something that they don’t want to do.
Here’s the thing, Feminism: PUA makes men you don’t want to be around into men you do want to be around. It is only to your advantage. These men are tricking you into bed by being good looking, smart, fulfilled through interesting hobbies, and charming conversationalists. That’s not a trick! That’s the type of person you want to have sex with.
Literally, everyone in the equation is happier for it. Men are happier, more fulfilled, and empowered. Here’s what you get out of the deal:
- Better men to sleep with.
- Significantly less street harassment because men are paying top dollar to go to a covert anti-street harassment pow-wow. Do you know who doesn’t lean out their cars screaming, “Yo bitch! Let me get up in that cut!” or pinch your ass when you walk by them? Pick-Up Artists.
- Fewer whiney “nice-guys.”
- An army of men, who would never touch feminist literature, advocating for you to be treated like a human being instead of a delicate baby deer.
You won this round, Feminism. Everyone wins here. When men no longer define themselves by female approval everyone wins. PUA isn’t magic. No one is tricking you into sex. Men are rising to the occasion and becoming better men. They’re becoming charming men with friends and hobbies who don’t need you to scaffold their entire identity.
This is a move towards equality. Women have decades of sloganeering and social support teaching them self-worth and encouraging goals independent of romantic relationships. But because of narrow gender roles they needed to be told that they could be financially powerful and they were worth hiring. This is men doing the same thing. This is male sexual empowerment: the idea that they have worth as sexual beings.