Writing everyday is hard and it makes me hate myself.  I often stop and start blogs, not because I ever stop writing, but because I find flaws in everything I write and enter a cycle of self-loathing that paralyzes me out of creating.  Every single thing I post is riddled with flaws.  I am a constant disappointment to myself.

 

It doesn’t help that I’m terrible at editing and everything I post is accompanied by someone pointing out a misspelling or grammar mistake.  I appreciate it, of course but it kills my spirit just a little bit when there’s actually more to hate about my writing than I had anticipated.  I always had anticipated a lot.

 

Today I tried to write three different posts and all of them were so terrible I didn’t have the heart to post anything.  Creating something takes an amount of courage that I’m not sure I have everyday.  I am forcing myself to produce something everyday because it’s the direction I need to grow but it’s scary.  It’s vulnerable and scary to have to publicly write something every workday.  Something that could be criticized in any number of ways and it always causes me anxiety when I push “publish.”

 

This isn’t a cry for flattery; it’s the reality of content creation.  Making things is an internal challenge of fighting the part of your brain that tells you you’re not good enough.  There are two voices screaming at me everyday that I’m a failure and if I’m not a failure then I’m a fraud and it’s just a matter of time before everyone notices.  Today those voices won.  It happens.  Tomorrow I hope they don’t.

 

So anyway, I made this cool wallet on Saturday and my cat volunteered to model it for everyone.

 

This is the front of the wallet.

 

 

The inside pockets.

 

The back of the wallet.

 

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