You’re going to be so excited guys.  If you click on the pictures this time, it takes you to where you can buy what’s in the picture.  Hummers and blow all around!!!!

Simple Boots

Let’s just get this out of the way.  You want to buy these shoes because they’re clearly the best shoes.

I feel like I’ve really driven the point home that men in docs are the sexiest of all the men.  Now if black is a little harsh for you or you’re a boot rookie who can’t figure out how to wear docs without a punk aesthetic, I think this would be the best tamer option for you:

Brown is easier to wear but this boot still has that same rigid structure and sleek design that makes simple boots so appealing.  You’ll notice both of these boots have relatively flat soles.  Shoes with big thick soles and bulging traction are for physical activity and fall into the category of “used for function.”  Just to clarify: thin soled boots are used for the function of sexual attraction.  Although, if you’re the type of guy who likes to rock 6 inch platform goth boots, you don’t need my advice.  Go on with your bad self.

These cold weather boots are what I sent to my Canadian friend as an alternative option for cold weather seduction.

His response was they, “look badass, but also sort of how hooker boots for men might look.”  I have never heard a more ringing endorsement for anything in my entire life.  There you have it, gentlemen.  Sexy boots with fleece lining and adequate traction for when you absolutely, positively must melt a glacier with how awesome you look.

Just for fun, here are those awesome wing-tip boots:

Chukkas

Clarks are the most common brand of Chukkas.  From what I understand the menfolk go nuts for this flavor of Chukka and I would be a terrible stylist if I didn’t mention them.  So in the same way you’d have to mention Tiffany and Co. if you were talking about fashionable engagement rings, here are some Clarks:

Ooooo. Ahhhhhhh.  Fancy.

Now that we have that out of the way, my favorite type of chukkas look less like a lego person foot and more like a dress shoe.  I really love how relaxed and thin these are:

If you really want to get edgy, you could leave those thin leather chukkas unlaced and fold the sides down.  You’ll look really young and hip.

Finally, I found these Sketchers chukkas that look awesome and had to share them with you out of sheer shock and awe that sketchers made a shoe for men that I thought was attractive.

I know, right?

I’m as shocked as anyone.  Please don’t tell anyone that I had a momentary laps in Sketchers hatred.

Double Monks

I don’t think anyone knows the trouble I’ve seen trying to find affordable double monks to throw up here.  I found exactly one pair of double monks that were both under $300 and didn’t look like clown shoes.  Double monks tend to go hand and hand with two foot long points at the toe of the shoe.  I have no idea why but if you can find them without the hideous clown toe, they look better than anything else out there in the realm of dress shoes.

Can you guess which of these is reasonably priced and which one will finance my hummer if you buy them?

Versus

Boat Shoes

Let me first start out with what you definitely don’t want in a boat shoe.  You don’t want them to look like you strapped boats to your feet.  Boat shoes are really really hideous when they have a thick sole.  It is imperative that you have the thinnest sole possible when shopping for a boat shoe or else you end up with something like this:

Gross.

I feel like there are two awesome looks to boat shoes.  You can either go as plain as possible:

 

 

 

 

Which look really classy and sophisticated or you can go as funky as possible:

 

Which look really awesome for being obnoxiously colored, rave inspired, country-club prat shoes. It’s the irony that makes them great. P.S. if you follow the link on the red shoes, there’s a grey/electric yellow combo that look cool as hell.

 

Anyway, I’d like the record to show that I don’t just insult men’s shoes and that I not only offer alternatives but also spend my entire day hunting down the best in affordable men’s footwear to showcase that a better world exists.  You’re welcome.

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