Listen, I understand if you like peplum.  I like plenty of things that people hate on.  Let me tell you about my favorite “faux-pas.”

Those shirts with open sides

Everyone knows the fashion industry and most clothing designers cater to skinny girls but what really pisses me off is that they particularly cater to skinny apple shaped girls.  I love this trend because I finally get my chance to shine with my 40 inch hips and 27 inch waist.  You skinny jean, spandex mini-skirted assholes can kiss my flat stomach’s ass.  Stomachs have asses.  I’m pretty sure.

I hope this trend sticks around as long as slender legs towering out of tall boots has been in style, so season after season I can be queen of the mother fuckin’ jungle.  It is about damn time I can show off both the curve of my hips and the curves along my rib cage.  Rise up my pear shaped friends!  It is our world now!

Uggs

Yoga pants tucked into Uggs is my jam, y’all.  When I lived in the mountains, I not only lived in my Uggs I ran three to five miles a day in Uggs.  I do not care that they give you elephant feet.  They are warm, comfortable, and slip on because ain’t no one got time for laces.  Wearing Uggs is like walking on heated fluffy clouds that snuggle your feet.  Wearing Uggs feels like warm cookies and your mother’s approval.  I can’t believe there are people who hate on them because…what?  They’re ugly?  Who cares!? The pros outweigh the cons.

 Men in Flip-Flops

I am a fan of flip-flops, in general, but I really like it when men wear flip-flops.  It has a west-coast laid-back swagger to it that I find attractive.  I especially like flip-flops with an otherwise dressed up outfit because it oozes confidence.  I understand that people hate feet (No I don’t.  I’m not freaked out by the human body.) but the menfolk seem to get extra feet hate.  Maybe it’s the toe fur.  Your toe-fur is awesome, menfolk.  Rock some flip-flops.

Hipster Clothing

 

I love hipsters.  Most of my friends are hipsters.  I can only hope that I’m cool enough to be a hipster.  I think the “hipster-vintage-thrift-store” style is fucking awesome, stylish, resourceful, and shows a lot of creativity.  I don’t think anyone looks cooler than these guys: (Click the black box)

There is NO Such Thing as Over-Accessorizing

 

The fashion-world backs my plate on this one.  Accessories, much like lube, follow the rule of too much is just enough.  I have spent my entire adult life collecting gold bangles because I am not satisfied until I have bangles from my wrist to my elbow on both arms.  My one regret is that I can’t find a way to wear bangles up to my armpits.  (Stupid elbow-joint getting in the way of my bracelets.)  My biggest inspiration is Iris Apfel and I hope I can one day be just like her because the only thing cooler than Iris Apfel is more Iris Apfel.

Iris Apfel is cooler than everyone.

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